Waiver wire bidding after week one is always Mr. Toads wild ride. Season’s can be won or lost in the opening rounds of waivers. And it can be won or lost in many different ways. You can ignore a potential short-coming in your roster and pass on a player that have would have filled the hole. You can panic and drop a player that later tears up the league. Or you can blow your whole wad on a perceived answer to your weakness. I saw a lot of that last week.
Personally, I wasn’t too hot for any of the week one free agents. I went through my Mark Clayton phase a couple of years ago. Didn’t have the stomach to go back. I don’t see Brandon Jackson as equal to Ryan Grant. I do not think he is an every down back despite the coach-speak we heard to the contrary. I really needed some bodies at running back in several of my leagues, but didn’t even make a play for Jackson. Too many wolves chasing that dog in sheep‘s clothing.
Peyton Hillis was a popular pick-up, but I am already suffering from the misery of owning Jerome Harrison. Why would I want to add to my misery with another Browns player at the mercy of Mangina’s inexplicable coaching foibles?
The only “big dollar” purchase I made was for Mike Williams (SEA) since he had went un-drafted in that early draft. I dropped Devin Thomas for him. Did you ever have a draft pick that you regret almost immediately? Devin Thomas. If the draft had been a week later, it became apparent it wasn’t likely a happening thing. So I ditched the DDT and put BMW on my bench and he got 1.7 fantasy points after a promising effort in week one. Champ Bailey. Yeah, that was probably the problem. Still though, Williams one catch Sunday was one more than Devin Thomas has so far this year. So my roster is moving in the right direction.
My “sneaky” low budget pick-up of the week was Keiland Williams of the Redskins. I liked what I saw from him in the preseason, and I have laughed at what I have seen from Clinton Portis and Larry Johnson. Portis is the team’s leading rusher with 96 yards in 31 carries. I’ll do the math for you. That is a hair over 3 yards a tote. And he looks twice as good as LJ who has .20 fantasy points for the season.
This doesn’t seem like rocket science to me. The next in line is the rookie Williams, a 6th round pick. Shanahan? Crappy, gimpy veteran backs? A 6th round back nobody has ever heard of before? Gold Jerry, gold! I quietly stashed him in every league except one over the last 2 weeks. Just biding my time, letting Williams incubate until Shanahan reaches the inescapable conclusion.
I’m looking for some of that Ryan Grant magic from a few years ago, since Grant’s expired. I never really figured to get too many more seasons from Grant anyway. He was my anchor for a decidedly weak running back crew in my dynasty league. I have too many project players on my dynasty roster, and thought it would be pointless to hold Grant. So I traded him for a 2nd round rookie pick next season. I would have taken a bowl of Tasty-Ohs for him, so I figure I made out like a bandit with the second round Cheerios. I was going to drop him outright if I couldn’t swing a trade. Instead I cleared a spot for Brandon Tate, who was lingering on the wire like low hanging fruit. All of Moss’ whining pushed me over the edge. Tate needed to be rostered, and I was surprised he was still hanging around on the wire.
But anyway, back to the Waiver Wire week past, the most stunning thing I saw was a guy in my WCOFF Super Satellite league paid $992 of a 1k budget for Mike Vick. WHAT? A little further investigation led to the fact that this player indeed had Kolb as his starter. Okay, well I guess that kind of makes sense. He was afraid that Kolb was going to lose his job to Vick, or Kolb would keep getting dinged, and he was protecting his investment. But over 99% of your bidding money in week one? For a guy that the head coach assured us in no uncertain terms was headed back to the bench once Kolb was cleared to play? Crafty.
Now my curiosity was piqued. Who was this bozo? A neophyte? A person with very fat fingers and poor proofreading skills, like the poor soul that spent $300 on MICHAEL Clayton? No. Quite the contrary. It turns out I am playing with poker royalty. His name is Steve Billirakis, and in ’07 he was the youngest person ever to win a bracelet at the World Series of Poker. And now he has put some of his approximately 1.5 million in tourney wins against me and the rest of the field in the WCOFF Super Satellite. Actually, more than a little. Dude has 11 teams in the Super Satellite league alone. Shot-gunning. Trying to buy the election. Interesting.
And he spent big bidding bucks in at least 6 of those leagues on Mike Vick. Here were his winning bids for Mike Vick: $521, $711, $823, $921, $964. And of course, the highest amount he paid was in my league, $992. Does this guy know something the rest of us don’t?
Unfortunately, blind bidding is an art-form that cannot be taught, cannot be coached, cannot be high- priced Vegas insider predicted. It must be experienced to be learned, and even after you learn it you still don‘t really know. Mr. Deep Pockets seriously over-estimated how much it would take to snag the insurance policy/savior Vick. My league, where Vick went for his highest bid, was completely indifferent to the glow of the big Vick. The next highest bid was $68. Wah, wah, wah. $900 down the drain. Sorry, you have been bluffed out of your entire allotment. No money, you go now!
I say “my league” but right now it is “his league.” The 24 year old millionaire gambler is pacing the league. Here is his lineup from last week: Vick, MJD, Forte, Best, Welker, Driver, M. Floyd, Witten. Not bad. Amarillo Slim knows how to draft a team. Kolb is his only other quarterback so he is completely bought in for the Eagles quarterbacks. Personally, I think that may be a tactical error. But then again, I drafted Dwayne Bowe where I could have had Best. I have only myself to blame for this second class citizen status I have obtained. A sad old man hovering in the shadows of Young Gun. And railing about it from his bully pulpit. Pathetic.
One move in a draft can decide a league. And right now Jahvid Best is THE difference-maker of the year in fantasy football so far. So far. Well, him and Arian Foster.
I did not draft Foster or Best. Not feeling good about that right about now. Kind of feeling like I do after a big meal at McDonalds. As you might know I decided after last year’s Calvin Johnson fiasco, I would steer clear of all Detroit Lions players no matter how good they look. Because bad stuff happens to the Lions. And bad stuff happens to my fantasy teams when they are full of Lions. And bad stuff happens at McDonalds whether there are Lions there or not.
Wouldn’t it be a bite in the ass if that clever new policy devised to shield me from harm bites me in the ass? Here I am, wanting to rip Todd Haley’s face off with my bare hands, while Jamaal Charles gathers dust on the sidelines, and this Johnny come lately that was about 5 years old when I started playing fantasy is beating me over the head with a damn dirty Detroit Lion?
Worse news. Poker Boy has Sidney Rice and Vincent Jackson waiting in the wings. Yes, I had decided to draft Vincent Jackson in this league. In my “perfect draft plan” I was to take him in the 10th round. I figured that was the proper discount for his situation. But I got greedy snatching up position players waiting to draft a quarterback. When the 10th round came around and the dust had settled, I still had no quarterback, and I could feel the QB dam about to burst. I decided to go ahead and take Matt Ryan since he was really the guy I wanted, and he had already fallen 2 rounds past his ADP. I would have to gamble on Vjax coming around at the next turn. He didn’t. Snatched by young Slim Shady. That turn of events could prove as fatal as hiding under a seat cushion in John Madden’s bus.
But the season is long, and Mr. Poker has gone all in on Mike Vick. We will see if his sharp drafting skills can survive the mayhem of his money management. He might find the sledding rough if things don’t go well for him on the injury front. I spent $13 on Keiland Williams. I have $987 left to bid with. Quite enough to thwart any $8 bids for an emergency waiver wire quarterback. You have to admit, the boy has balls. Wrote a check for almost 4 grand. Eleven chances in the same tournament.
Hey, wait a minute. That doesn’t take balls. As a matter of fact, it takes a decided “lack” of balls. Yeah, you better come at me with 11 rosters if you want a chance to win. I don’t need no extra stinking rosters! I only need one team to take down the field. And if I get past the first Steve Billirakis, I’ll beat the next Steve Billirakis in the overall first round. And I’ll beat the next Billirakis in the second round. And then I’ll beat Billirakis, and then Billirakis, and Billirakis again! RAAAAAAA!
10) Jamaal Charles owners: I don’t see how Thomas Jones is averaging over 3 yards a carry with Todd Haley hanging off his jock. Mr. Haley has his middle finger raised toward the fantasy community, logic, and simple math. Right back at ya’ ReTodd.
9) Tom Brady’s hair: This proves it. Even the mightiest of men will allow their dignity to suffer unimaginable cruelty for a totally hot babe.
8) Eagles: Andy Reid spent the last several years shielding Kolb from the Philly fans unreasonable demands to start him Looks like he will spend the balance of his career shielding Kolb from Philly fans unreasonable demands to bench him. And the circle jerk of life is complete.
7) Cowboys: Coach Michelin Man really has a mess on his hands. And it isn’t just that triple decker burger he had for lunch. And it isn’t just the wax from shining Jera’s car after every loss. And it isn’t just the sweat from an honest days indecision. Let’s see, where was I going with this…oh yeah, this Cowboys team is as over-rated as that obnoxious video screen that displays their every gaffe at a magnification level fitting of a monumental underachievement such as this.
6) Vikings: How ya’ gonna keep him down on the farm? This season ought to do it.
5) Lions: The good news. You are tied with the Vikings. Bad news? You play them this week. At their place. And they are pissed. They aren’t very good but they are pissed. You guys would be pissed too if you weren’t so desensitized to this annual horror show.
4) Rams: If Bradford can keep producing numbers with this group, he will end up the most impressive quarterback of a winless team ever. So chin up Rams fans.
3) Panthers: Let me get this straight. They finally ditched Delhomme and they actually got worse?
2) Browns: Mangina has no receivers, yet he continues to be infatuated with passing the ball. His man Delhomme got 37 attempts in week one, and then the insanity continued when he asked Seneca Wallace to drop back 32 times in week two. Who exactly are these guys throwing to, and what the hell will they do with it if they by some bizarre freak of nature actually catch it? Listen Mangina, their names are Harrison and Hillis. Ride them like there is no tomorrow, let your quarterbacks throw only when necessary, keep the staph infections down, and with a little luck, you maybe keep your job until Thanksgiving. Don’t thank me, just having you to kick around for a few more months is thanks enough.
1) Bills: When you look up “sucks” in the dictionary, this is what you will see. If the Bills had a shiny new quarterback like the Rams, they would only suck as much as the Rams, which is a little bit less than they suck now. The beauty part is, if they keep sucking this much all year, then they can suck their way to a shiny new quarterback next year. And that wouldn’t exactly suck.