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Commentary From the Edge
By Kevin Ratterree
November 4, 2003
  If history tells us anything, the Chiefs will be going to the Superbowl. 8-0 teams usually do. Kansas City fans are letting themselves believe, after being beat down for years by the Schottenheimer "good enough for the playoffs and out in the first round" years. Dante Hall went on the Letterman show. The team has 2 players at least being talked about as MVP's. The schedule for the rest of the season looks like the Chiefs had incriminating pictures of the schedule maker. Hell, I've aready spent the 18-1 payoff I have coming when the Chiefs hoist the Lombardi.

Of course there are those who will and already have been saying that the Chiefs soft schedule is the "chief" reason they are 8-0. "They haven't played anybody!!" I'm already hearing it. Who exactly is "anybody" in the NFL these days? In a league where the Arizona Cardinals can jack up the Packers. The Texans can beat Miami. Rick Mirer is still on somebody's roster. The mighty Buccaneers are 1-3 at home, and the SuperBowl teams from last season are a combined 6-10.

And now that the Chiefs are the only undefeated team the "undefeated season" hype machine is already in action. Ridiculous. Soon, the sorry old carcuses of the '73 Miami Dolphins will litter the sidelines of Chiefs games. I've heard some people say that if the Chiefs go undefeated they should have an asterisk next to it because of a weak schedule. Also ridiculous. If any team could go a 16 game schedule in this parity infested league unscathed that accomplishment would dwarf what the Dolphins did back in the stone age. I'd love to see a team go undefeated, but that possibility is about as likely as going two weeks without officials screwing up an instant replay review.

Of course the Chiefs will have no cakewalk to the big game. The Colts have passed every test so far, and have the look of a team that is "for real". And the Titans are rolling like a William Green doobie.. But what NFC team will present a challenge to any of these AFC powers? ................................... (crickets)

I saw Jerry Jones finally make an appearance on the sidelines when thing weren't going well last Sunday. I guess he thinks owning a football team is like running a factory. Everybody stops goofing off when the big boss shows up. Well, they won the game so maybe it works. Maybe the players respect Jones and his deep pockets and don't want to disgrace his presence by playing less than perfect. Or maybe his hideously surgically altered face frightens them into playing better. It's just one of those mysteries.............

BIG KAHUNAS PICK OF THE WEEK: I guess I got what I deserved last week I went against every solid betting principal I know to be true and it bit me where it counts. I dared to pick the Raiders to win on the road. Hopefully you did not heed my advice. After I made that pick though I was surprised to see how many people in the media and in general agreed with the pick. Almost everyone I heard talk about that game was picking the Raiders. So, as it turned out not only was I wrong my "Big Kahuna" pick was not seen as a stretch by the football community.

Last week was a perfect example of a tried and true betting strategy known as the home underdog. The "Home 'dog" is, always has been, and probably always will be the single most solid wager in football. Home underdogs went 4-2 last week, with all four winning outright. Of the two losers the Jets took the game to overtime before losing as 2 1/2 point dogs on a field goal. And Atlanta gave Philadelphia all they could handle losing by a TD. Just a helpful hint from a guy who knows a dumb bet but is not always smart enough to avoid one.

Ok, I'm 1-1 on the Big Kahuna pick if anyone is keeping score. This week I see several interesting home dogs on the board. (subliminal message). With this weeks pick I will follow one of my betting rules while breaking another. I like Carolina +3 at home against Tampa Bay. The home dog as I have discussed is a great bet. That rule I will follow. The rule that I am breaking is "NEVER BET AGAINST THE STREAK". It doesn't matter whether you are playing craps or betting football games, don't bet against a streak. I guess technically I am not betting against a streak, but more of a trend. The Buccaneers have alternated wins and losses every week this season. Following the pattern, this would be their week to win. Not to mention the fact that Carolina got embarrassed by Houston last week, it takes real big kahuna's to make this pick: CAROLINA +3

WEEK 10 MISERY INDEX:

10) BUCCANEERS: The Superbowl champs are 1-3 at home. Sapp keeps yapping. Keyshawn's lips keep flapping. And I don't think 8-8 will get them to the promised land. Is it my imagination or does every Superbowl champion bite the big one the next season. Sapp is running out of schtick to draw attention away from embarrassing losses.

9) PANTHERS: Losing a game to a team with Tony Banks at QB is like losing a war to the French.

8) BROWNS: William Green has been firing up some green. That explains a lot I guess. A lot of Cleveland fans must be wondering if Butch Davis isn't doing a few bong hits before kickoff.

7) REDSKINS: You just hate to see likeable fella's like Dan Snyder and the love of his life Steve Spurrier suffer. Uh, scratch that. Those are exactly the type of guys you like to see suffer. At some point in the near future you would think Dan Snyder would grasp the idea that he knows nothing about building a franchise. He's in over his head. Of course, anything over 5' 1" is over his head. When the NFL awarded Arizona the 2008 Superbowl over Washington Dan Snyder stamped his little feet and stormed out of the room. Richie Rich still throwing his little temper tantrums. I love it. And Spurrier will never be an NFL head coach. The guy threw a hissy fit because Dan Snyder made him cut Danny Wuerffel. I smell another huge coach contract buyout.

6) LIONS: The only thing more rock solid than the Lions having a top ten draft pick every year, is the fact that anytime I give up and cut a player from my fantasy team he goes off the next week.

5) CHARGERS: When the starting QB is standing on the sideline, with all his limbs still attached, and Doug Flutie hits the field to provide a "spark" you know things are not going well. Counting the "wildfire" game played at Arizona this team has not played at home in over a month. That is probably a good thing. Those San Diego residents have suffered enough lately.

4) BUNGLES: Just when it looked like they were poised to break away from the Misery Index along came the might Arizona Cardinals. The Bungles got plenty of pub' last week with people jumping on the bandwagon left and right. As it often happens the hype was just that. Hype. The wheels came off the bandwagon on a trip through the desert and people are jumping off the bungle bandwagon like Enron insiders dumping stocks. Welcome back Bungles!!

3) STEELERS: In last place in possibly the worst division in the NFL. Tommy Maddox should have read the fine print of the deal he signed with the devil last season. Apparently it expired in January.

2) FALCONS: Mike Vick tried to weasel out of playing at all this season, but Dan Reeves who would like to continue receiving paychecks is begging for him to come back, and fast! Meanwhile Deion Sanders is publicly campaigning for Reeves job. That is kind of like screwing a guys wife at the foot of his deathbed. Another class move by Sanders. Deion thinks he can by-pass all that annoying prerequisite training, like maybe being a DB coach for a few years and then moving up the ladder. That's like me saying, hey, I've been watching Sportscenter for years, I think I'll drive up to Bristol and take Chris Berman's job. As Deion would put it. "Dat crazy". Don't get me wrong. I would love to see Deion fail miserably, and I certainly would like to have the option of watching any show he has ruined with his unbearable narcissistic presence. But on the other hand reality tells me that no owner in the league could possibly be dumb enough to hire that reject from the pimp factory.

1) RAIDERS: It's sad when devastating wildfires are only the second biggest disaster in the great state of California. The players are old and disinterested. The seemingly clueless coach has the disinterested loser players blaming him. Think about this. The Raiders have lost to both the Bears and the Lions. Let that sink in. Only a half season removed from a Superbowl appearance, right now they are the worst team in the league without a doubt. Al Davis should consult with Johnny Cochran about suing the whole team for theft of payroll checks and fraud for presenting themselves as NFL caliber players.