was a day of reckoning last Sunday in the NFL. It was a
day that typified the state of the NFL. I'll refer to it
as Underdog Day Afternoon. Proof positive that the league
is in a state of mediocrity. The worst team on any given
Sunday can beat one of the best.
In the NFL today a 41 year old quarterback that hasn't
touched the field in two years can put 40 points on the
board, juke defenders out of their jocks, and high step
his way to the end zone after pulling a morphed version
of the fumble-rooskie out of his bag of tricks.
In today's NFL a team can total 122 yards in total offense
and turn the ball over 4 times and still win the game
In today's NFL a team can start the day at 2-6, and
with a win move back into contention for the division
And we are suppose to be able to make sense of it all?
Good luck to us. It's not great football, but it definitely
Chad Johnson certainly isn't bored. He amuses himself
paying hefty weekly celebration fines. Now he is playing
the tired old Joe Namath card guaranteeing a victory
over the Chiefs. I love Johnsons' enthusiasm and his
fire. But probably the best thing to do when the 9-0
team is coming to town would be to just shut up and see
if you can catch them napping. You don't poke them with
a stick. You don't give them a reason to want to kick
your ass. Besides, that guaranteed victory thing has
been done to death, and it really only mattered once.
BIG KAHUNA'S PICK OF THE WEEK
Last week produced a winner with Carolina covering the
spread and winning outright. BKP: 2-1 record. Which brings
me to an interesting point. First of all I had to smile
with silent confidence Sunday morning when I saw ESPN's
Hammerin' Hank predict the opposite taking the Buc's
-3. For at that moment I knew my Carolina pick was probably
right. Pro gamblers need to hit about 65% of their games
to come out a winner. Hammerin' Hank doesn't come close.
I think he got his nickname by hammering gin and tonic
right before he makes his weekly picks. Maybe the guy
is a shill for "the boys" in Vegas, purposely
spreading false propaganda to insure the casino money
keeps rolling in. Why does ESPN pay a guy good money
to make picks when he can't make picks? Then again, how
can they pay Michael Irvin to be a commentator when he
Anyway, enough of that stalling. I have a pick to make
and I must say I am not impressed with the early lines
this week. All the games look like tough spreads. I haven't
seen spreads this tough since I attended the last Horse
Riding Nymphomaniac Convention. But I must pick one and
only one game, so I will take the Cowboys +4 at New England
on the Monday Night game. Not a big kahuna pick you say?
Maybe not. The Dallas defense looks pretty tough. I might
go with the under on this game....yeah definitely go
with the under. There is my big kahuna pick of the week.
I don't really make a habit of parlays but here is a
good one Dallas and the under for a sweet 2.5: 1 Christmas
10) Ravens: Defense with Ray Lewis. Tough as a steak
from an anorexic cow. Offense with Chris Redman. Ugly
as that anorexic cow. I heard Neil O'Donnell's name mentioned
as a possibility, and of course Jeff George's name comes
up whenever anybody needs a QB. Pretty slim pickings.
You can go ahead and drop Travis Taylor now, and take
anything you can get for Todd Heap. This offense is officially
9) Vikings: Have they stepped in a pothole or over the
edge of the cliff. Randy Moss quit playing about the
4th quarter of this one. The Vikings D' quit playing
the 4th minute.
8) Chargers: I guess we should have seen this one coming.
The city of San Diego still reeling from devastating
fires. The team's first home game in 2 months. Doug Flutie
getting the start. But still, the Chargers have looked
absolutely putrid. Gee, maybe Brees was the problem the
whole time. Or maybe the football God's just rewarded
Flutie for his service holding the clipboard. Or maybe
the Vikings just stink. Tough call. In any event it looks
like Brees is headed for the scrap heap, and Flutie gets
a bonus half season out of his career. And you may end
up dusting off David Boston and inserting him into your
lineup this year after all. Flutie can still throw and
Boston is the one receiver Flutie may be able to see
from down there.
7) Bills: Drew Bledsoe is right back to being the player
that lost his starting job to Tom Brady. Or maybe Bledsoe
is pulling off a practical joke doing his best impersonation
of Ryan Leaf. Very convincing Drew. We all had a good
laugh. Just knock it off!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6) Buccaneers: Gruden's magic lasted exactly one season.
They are now about 2 losses from missing the playoffs
as Superbowl Champs. As this star studded defense ages,
and the offense never emerges, all those draft picks
they gave up for Gruden would have come in handy. But
hey, they got their rings. And their TV shows, and commercials.
But their cocky bravado which doesn't play so well when
they are a sub .500 team.
5) Dolphins: I had to chuckle when the Griese performance
against the Chargers had all the football pundits excited.
My guess is that Fiedler's injury will be magically fully
healed by this Sunday. The clock is ticking until annual
Dolphins December swoon, which would be far less dramatic
if the team starts the month 5-7. Wannstedt is shoveling
handfuls of ice down the back of his pants to alleviate
4) Colts: Ya' know, it is real hard to make the misery
index as a 7-2 team. But when you lose to a 1-7 team,
whose running back predicted he was going to gash you,
and your star wide receiver limps off the field, you
gotta be miserable. Especially now that the Titans are
tied for the division lead, and the Colts still have
to play the Titans at Tennessee. Not good. Here we go
again. Road playoff game. Loss. Peyton Manning can't
win the big game. Well, not by himself he won't. If Marvin
Harrison misses some time this season could go south
in a hurry. All the way to Nashville.
3) Rams: Here we go again breaking tradition. How can
a winning team be on the misery index. Look, they get
on the misery index if for no other reason than they
wasted 3 hours of my life Sunday night, doing their impression
of the Detroit Lions stoned. That Sunday night game had
to be one of the ten worst games I have ever seen, and
keep in mind I have seen several games involving the
Giants. The only positive about that game is that I wasn't
one of the unfortunate souls unlucky enough to pay for
a ticket and have to witness it in person.
2) Giants: How can you get jacked up by a team on a
7 game losing streak in your own house? Will they notice
that Shockey is gone? How will Jim Fassel feel when he
takes his rightful place on the unemployment line this
January? Will Jim Fassel finally fulfill his dream of
competing in the Frank Burns look-alike contest in Big
Bend Indiana next fall?
1) Raiders: The Raiders finally figured out that with
a QB at the helm who would probably ride the pine on
a division II college team, the best way to avoid losing
was to run the ball 9 times in a row followed by a 2
yard pass attempt. And it worked. For almost 59 minutes