Week 14 Bumps, Bruises and Bow-outs

QB Kerry Collins - Sprained ankle
QB Steve McNair - Sprained ankle
RB Michael Bennett - Sprained ankle
RB Trung Canidate - Bruised foot
WR Jonathan Carter - Sprained knee
WR Ike Hilliard - Sprained knee
WR Bobby Engram - Concussion
TE/DT Warren Sapp - Sprained ankle

Get off me already

Bruce Smith set the all-time sack record of 199, one better than the previous record by Reggie White. Kerry Collins had already given way to Jesse Palmer in the Giants-Redskins game and he managed to gain a distinction to his otherwise young and unremarkable career by being #199. When Bruce Smith began his record-setting career it after 1984 and that is perhaps appropriate since Smith spent his entire career playing Big Brother with dozens of smaller quarterbacks over the years. There's a "noogie" they will never forget.

Rule #1 - Do no harm

The best way to start a football game is to march down the field and get a touchdown. It was something that was attempted by Shaun Alexander, Tony Hollings, Shawn Bryson and Tiki Barber and all four share in the misfortune of actually losing a fumble on the very first drive of the game. All four runningbacks were also on teams that lost yesterday.

Jamal Lewis lost a fumble as well, but did so on their second series. The Ravens won the game anyway. Evidently you can make a mistake but for crying out loud - not on the first drive!

He's baaaaack

Taking his first start this season, Michael Vick completed an unspectacular 16 of 33 passes for only 179 yards and one interception. He also added 141 yards on 14 rushes and scored once. Only five other running backs ran for more yardage than Vick did on Sunday.

He is good. He is impressive. Now if we can figure out how to keep the announcers from reminding us on every offensive play.

He's gooooone

Clinton Portis shredded the Chiefs defense for 218 yards and five touchdowns - tying for the second most rushing touchdowns in one game in the history of the NFL. Portis also added 36 yards on five catches. In just two games against the Chiefs this season, Portis has a total of 474 yards and six touchdowns.

If Portis could just play Kansas City every game of the season, his pace would result in 2872 rushing yards, 920 receiving yards and 48 touchdowns. Now there would be the unquestioned first pick of the fantasy draft next summer.

Drama 101 - Somebody has to laugh, somebody has to cry

He's a Pinball Wizard

Adam Vinatieri only had the opportunity to kick one extra point in the 12-0 Patriot win over the Dolphins. He made the most of the moment with with the rare "double doinker". His kick went caroming of the right upright, over... over... over to the the left upright which it whacked before falling behind the cross bar.

He is available for parties, graduations and pick up soccer games.

Let's see - There's Eric Moulds. And Jerry Rice. Donald Driver. Oh yeah - Jerry Porter...

Josh Reed, Todd Pinkston, Brian Finneran. Bill Schroeder. Of course, Tim Dwight. And then...

Oh - I'm sorry. I was just trying to think of all the wide receivers in the NFL this season that have less receiving touchdowns than Warren Sapp. There are actually 88 of them. Fortunately Plaxico Burress scored yesterday so he is tied with two touchdowns as well... 'whew'...

Sunday's Couch Commentary

Game-O-The-Week

What a week. Much anticipated fights most often became blowouts with 11 of 15 games decided by over 10 points. MIN won by 27. DEN had 18 extra. PHI went 26 points farther. The Fins and Texans were shutout and the 49ers had five more TDs this time against the Cards. TEN almost pulled out a comeback but ended up disappointing the hometown crowd. In the end, there was but one close game involving a favored division leader.

Winner: Carolina 14, Atlanta 20

The teams were tied, 7-7, at the half and Michael Vick had already gained 55 yards rushing. The Falcons had shown that they were not going to roll over now that Mighty Vick was under center and the defense had held Stephen Davis to only 39 yards on nine carries. Compare this to week four when these teams met and Carolina won 23-3.

In that game, the Panthers led 17-0 at the half.

Is it possible that the mere presence of Vick could make the rest of the team better? Even the defense? How exactly does that work, anyway? And why doesn't it work for Jay Feely who had already missed a 34 and a 36 yard field goal?

After trading punts on their opening series of the second half, T.J. Duckett loses a fumble on his own 23 yard line and wisely using Stephen Davis, the Panthers march the 23 yards in eight plays to score and take the 14-7 lead. It did require six plays inside the Panthers 10-yard line and was helped by a defensive holding.

The third quarter ends with the two teams trading punts while the announcers love-fest for Vick begins to run out of superlatives.

In the fourth quarter, the two teams trade punts once more and the announcers have taken to pointing out that Vick would be naturally tired as an excuse why he had not yet taken over the game. When the Falcons get the ball on their own 44-yard line with 12:06 left to play, expectations have dropped (if not overall viewership on the east coast). That is when Vick takes off on a winding 43 yard run which prompts some 100,000+ viewers to say "Dude - I forgot just how fast this guy is". From the Carolina 15-yard line, the Falcons use a Vick 9-yard run, a dump pass to Griffith and a Duckett one yard gainer to reach the one yard line where, of course, Vick fakes play action and then sort of hops into the endzone for the 14-14 tie.

Carolina cannot move the ball in two series and punts and the second time Atlanta gets the ball on their own 24-yard line, there is only 1:46 left. Vick moves the team down the field largely with two passes to Alge Crumpler and two Panther penalties and with only 20 seconds left on the Carolina 27-yard line, Vick runs towards left end and loses six yards and six seconds. From the 31-yard line, Feely would need to kick a 48 yard field goal which has evidently become at least 14 yards farther than his range, whatever that may actually be in the windless, carpeted stadium.

Knowing that more yards are needed, Vick goes back to Crumpler just one time too many and throws an interception which effectively ends regulation. Oddly enough, the announcers fail to mention that lobbing up a pass that falls short to the only receiver you have used on the drive is actually not that "super".

Carolina wins the coin toss and begins their certain march to victory. Delhomme hits Smith for two yards and then Davis takes a run up the middle for five more. On third down, Delhomme hits Kevin Mathis who plays for the Falcons. Mathis scoots 32 yards in for the score. The game ends on an interception returned for a touchdown by one of the worst secondaries in the league. There is no Vick saving the day. There is no Davis bull rushing for the win. Feely packs his shoe bag while nodding at Mathis - "Thanks buddy, I owe you one."

The game ended suddenly and without warning in a manner no one expected. Just like our dwindling season that now witnesses the Chiefs as fallible, the Patriots as apparently unbeatable and the Titans as good as McNair can be. We have the Colts winning without defense and the Eagles scoring in any one of a dozen different ways.

The season is short and the offseason will be long. Let's enjoy it while while we can...

Now get back to work...