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FANTASY FOOTBALL WEEKLY FEATURES

Commentary From the Edge
Kevin Ratterree
October 5, 2004

Seeing Ray Lewis do his pregame "dance" again Monday night I finally figured out where I have seen it before.  Remember the Seinfeld episode where it showed Elaine doing that funky gyration dance and she lost the respect of all her co-workers.  That's where Ray got that from.  Mystery solved.

It was really sad that Deion missed the game.  He seems to be helping the team tremendously so far. 

David Terrell is looking like one of those teasers in fantasy football.  A good performance every third week, just enough to clog up someone's roster for a while.

On the other hand Brandon Stokley of the Colts looks to have staying power as the best third receiver in the league.  That is if he isn't broken in half by midseason.  The kid takes some shots.  Lots of guts.  Let's hope he keeps them all in his abdomen where they belong.

Jerome Bettis is on a quest to have more TD's than yards.  Duce Staley owners are spending a good portion of every Sunday afternoon spouting obscenities and hoping the Bus pulls a hamstring.

Lee Suggs magically transformed the Browns into an NFL football team.

Kurt Warner and the Giants are making me look like an idiot, but the season is young. 

I drafted T.J. Duckett this year on more than one team.  A lot of you in the same boat are probably considering introducing T.J. to the free agent pool.  Resist the temptation.  I think the Falcons are holding him back to keep him fresh for a late season push.  I still think this guy will be a factor.

I'm glad to see Shottenheimer get the Chargers going the right direction.  Anything that keeps me from having to see him appear on ESPN as a commentator is ok in my book.

Mike Martz lashed out at reporters questioning his play calling after week 3.  He told them the Rams were going to keep throwing the ball so "get used to it".  I'm sure it was purely a coincidence that the Rams won this week with almost exactly as many rushes as passes.  The crack Sunday Night crew on ESPN noted the shift in play calling and wondered aloud if Mike Martz was "sending  a message".  Yeah, he was sending a message.  The message was, thanks for reminding me that I have Marshall Faulk and Stephen Jackson.  Now if he can only remember that fact for another 12 games or so. Don't bet the farm on it.

I read an interesting thread on the message boards last week about the NFL's directive to not allow Jake Plummer to tribute Pat Tillman in the form of a small # 40 helmet decal.  There were some very good points made.  It seems clear most of you understand the NFL's reasoning behind the move, yet thought it "bush league" all the same.  But this is just a part of a bigger picture in the NFL and in America.  If you all saw the movie "The Wall" where armies of faceless people roamed the world, that is how corporate America (of which the NFL is a part ) sees us, and wants us.  Individuality is frowned upon in the NFL, as it is in the corporate driven society we have become.  Corporations decide what we see, we wear, we hear, we think, even what wars we fight.  Kind of  like the NFL treats it's meal tickets.  Just come along peacefully and everything will be just fine.  The average American is so wrapped up in trying to pay for the things corporate America has convinced us we need, we hardly have the time to raise our heads up and see what has already been lost.  Pat Tillman threw away the life corporate America allows us to dream of but rarely attain.  It would make sense that corporate America would not have us reminded that to some men, there are more important things in life than making a lot of money and being famous.  That maybe our lives are not complete no matter how many "things" we own.  But, I am getting way off topic and I am depressing the hell out of myself so enough with the politics.  You get plenty of that without my input.  I just find it ironic that our very freedom Tillman was fighting for is already gone in many aspects.

I actually heard a commentator on one of the games this weekend use the phrase "heck on wheels".  I believe it was one of my favorites, the always smooth Tim Green.  Is this what our censor happy society has come to.  A big tough former player has to edit himself to say "heck on wheels"?  Let me be perfectly clear here.  It is not ok under any circumstances to say "heck on wheels".  You may say "that was a heck of a catch" and I have no problem with that.  You can say "heck yeah" but you can't say "heck yes".  You cannot say "to heck in a handbasket".  Here are a few others we never like to hear:  Go to heck.  Rot in heck.  Heaven and Heck.  Heck's Bells.  To heck and back.  Heckagood.  Heckfire.  Heckacious. Heckacopter.  Football heckmet. 

MISERY INDEX

10)  CHIEFS:  When I saw this Monday night game on last weeks schedule my first thought, like yours, was well the Chiefs are toast.  But then as game time neared there was a little voice in my head that pssst, hey buddy there is no way the Chiefs go down on national TV without a fight ...take K.C. and the 6 points.  So I called a friend of mine in the Dominican and bet him 50 matchsticks.  I will enjoy my matchsticks very much, therefore I have little bad to say about the Chiefs this week.

9)  PANTHERS:  Is it my imagination or do the Panthers look like the typical Super Bowl team gone bad.

8)  PACKERS:  Let the panic begin.  The Lambeau magic carriage has turned into a pumpkin.  Favre looked like a kid held out of recess after being sat down following his concussion.  The offense is treating the ball like it is infected with West Nile Virus, and the team is systematically ridding itself of dreadlocks.

7)  REDSKINS:  The Redskins were 1-11 on 3rd down.  The clock management was horrendous for the second game in a row.  Right about now Joe Gibbs must be longing for the smell of high octane exhaust fumes.  Daniel Snyder finally made some moves in the offseason that didn't make him look like a gridiron moron and it is still blowing up in his face.  To every dark cloud a silver lining.

6)  RAVENS: It seems the defense just isn't as effective when forced to stay on the field 45 minutes in a game.  Jamal Lewis is surprisingly  ineffective when he only gets the rock 15 times.  Kyle Boller isn't making anyone forget uh, what was his name?  Oh yeah, Trent Dilfer.

5)  TITANS:  When you bring your inexperienced backup QB off the bench and have his fire off 97 passes in a game there is definitely a problem.  McNair and Favre square off next Monday night in the "Stretcher Bowl" to decide which team's season is officially over.

4)  BILLS:  It would be easy to blame the Bills problems on injuries, but I think if Bledsoe had ever learned how to move just a few inches in the pocket this team would not look nearly so horrible.  A lot of people avoided Travis Henry in fantasy drafts because of McGahee.  Little did we know to avoid him for an entirely different reason, that being the Bills never even sniff the goal line.

3)  DOLPHINS:  Dan Marino out of the game now for several years now could still come back today and outperform the current Miami QB options.  So, how about it Dan?  Don't make us beg.

2)  BUCCANEERS:  People attending Buc's games this season remind me of the people hanging out at Mount St. Helens right now.  They know a disaster is coming, yet they want to actually be there to witness it.

1)  49ers:  Boys and girls, this is a great lesson in economics and the dangers of overspending.  It seems the 49ers took out a big ole' credit card several years back to buy the fans a great big Super Bowl Steak.  Now the credit card company wants their money back, and the 'Niners fans have to eat Ramen noodles for the next few years.