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FANTASY FOOTBALL WEEKLY FEATURES

Commentary From the Edge - Week 2
Kevin Ratterree
September 11, 2007

Well well well. Randy Moss made his fantasy owners happy for the first time in years. It happened just the way it was scripted.

Everybody that drafted Randy Moss is doing the genius strut. Yeah. You knew it was going to be this way didn’t you? Get down with your bad self.

I don’t mean to piss on the parade here people, and I will eat my words if I am wrong. Randy Moss is a player you should trade right now. It won’t get any better than this.

I told you not to draft Randy Moss this season, so maybe I am just strutting the denial strut.

But I told Moss dynasty owners a couple of months ago in my Players To Avoid column to “pray that Randy has a huge game in the first three weeks of the season and then dump him like a cheating girlfriend.” I meant it then, and I mean it now.

Of course all of this is easy for me to say, since I am not a Moss owner. I’m sure those of you that do own Moss are probably shaking your heads in pity of me and my incredibly stupid comments, wondering why you have chosen to waste these valuable minutes of your life, reading the ramblings of a madman.

And before you ask, yes I did watch the game, or at least as much of it as I did any of the games on Sunday. I saw the highlights. It all looked just incredible.

Brady was taking the snap, pulling the front page of the Herald out of his pocket, perusing the headlines for a few minutes, occasionally glancing up to note the progress of his receiver’s down the field. Finally he folds the newspaper and puts it back in his pocket, yawns and throws a perfect strike to Moss, as 3 Jet defenders bounce off each other like the Three Stooges behind him. Meanwhile the Jets linemen are bouncing off the Patriots linemen as if they were concrete pillars.

Bill Belichick takes what you give him. The Jets gave the Patriots the air, and Belichick took it. It isn’t going to be this way every week.

Sunday was the kind of day that makes you want to own Randy Moss. But will it last? For all we know, Randy Moss could go 3/24 next week……..and the week after.

Are the Patriots and Moss just THAT good? Or are the Jets just THAT bad? Hard to really know after only one game.

Randy is no spring chicken. He will likely get nicked up this year. Do you really want to play Belichick Injury Report roulette?

Moss’ ability has never been in question. When he is getting lots of targets, and his team is winning, he is a fine teammate. It is when the game plan does not revolve around him, and the team is losing that the problems start. Some claim that Moss is a changed man. He has bought into the Patriots way. He finally grasps the concept of a team. We won’t really know all that until Welker starts getting the majority of targets a couple of weeks in a row when matchups dictate. Or the Patriots lose a couple of games in a row. (Yeah, it could happen) Don’t look at week one in a vacuum. Keep the big picture in mind.

Add to that the fact that the Patriots might not be as good now that the league has confiscated their spy equipment.

You probably won’t listen to me, and that’s ok. Hell, I don’t even listen to myself sometimes. Like when I told myself not to draft Brandon Jacobs and Cadillac Williams on the same team.

Randy just had his best game of the season. That is what I think. If you can get a dependable solid stud in trade, I would strongly consider moving him right now. If he ends up a top 20 fantasy receiver this season, I will be here to eat my words.

The NFL in an attempt to improve officiating, (and to negate the PR from the NBA gambling scandal) made improvements over the off-season. HDTV in all stadium replay systems, and a direct line to the head of officials office, where the word can come down from the mountain top during the game if necessary.

Unfortunately these innovations didn’t come into play in the numerous officiating blunders I witnessed in week one. Most everybody saw the Monday night fiasco with Heap. But there was another play just as bad in San Diego where the Bears were clearly offside, yet the linesman claimed to have not seen it. What? Look, you have one job as the line judge as the ball is being snapped. Make sure nobody crosses the line of scrimmage before the snap. All the Chargers saw it. All the Chargers fans saw it. I saw it. The replay clearly showed it.

You can put in all the safeguards you want to improve officiating, but if you can’t hire people capable of handling the simplest of assignments, it is all in vain.

I’d like to give a huge thumbs up to ESPN for their personnel changes. Keyshawn replacing Irvin. Check. Jaworski replacing Theisman. Check. Mike, Mike, and Mike on the #2 Monday Night crew. Check. They must have fired the guy supplying crack to the programming department.

Let me take just a minute to pimp HDTV. I have had the NFL Sunday package for a long time now, and I thought I was really living large. But having upgraded to HDTV this year, I look upon the last 30 years of football viewing as the Dark Ages. HD is like going from listening to scratched up albums on a record player with a bad needle to a Bose MP3. That is the best comparison I can give you. After only a month with HDTV football, I now find standard definition hard to watch. I traded a vacation for new technology and to say it was worth it would be the understatement of the year. HDTV is the greatest invention ever, surpassing “all you can eat crab legs night” and yes, even the boob job.

Crazy as Hell Pick of the Week

We are off to an 0-1 start thanks to the amazing ineptitude of the Chiefs. And as bad as I hate to be redundant, I’m afraid I am going to have to go to the well again. Until proven otherwise, I’m not convinced the Chiefs can beat Appalachian State right now, let alone hang with the Bears in their own crib. The spread is 12. That is a ridiculous number, and it is ridiculous for a reason. They are going to be begging for money on the Chiefs, but they won’t get mine. The Chiefs second roadie in a row. They looked like crap against a much lesser team last week. And to top it off the Bears come off a tough loss in San Diego and figure to be feeling plenty ornery. The Chiefs scored 3 last week. They might not get that many this week. Laying more than 10 in an NFL game is generally considered suicide by the gambling crowd, but like I said before, the Chiefs are not an NFL team so the rules don’t apply to this one. I’m going to ride the Chiefs until they buck me. Chiefs +12

Misery Index

10a)  Jaguars: When you give up 280 rushing yards in week one, at home, you at least deserve an honorable mention in the Misery Index. 175 yards to Chris Brown? And you didn’t even think to injure him, like every team before you? Come on now, were you even trying here?

10) Bills: Considering their upcoming schedule: Pittsburgh, New England, Jets, Dallas, and Baltimore, the game they just let get away from them at home against the Broncos could end up being the high point of the season for the near future.

9)  Rams: Getting jacked up at home in the opener would have been bad enough. But losing the only guy on the offensive line big enough to make a difference may be disastrous. It’s hard to say whether the o-line or the d-line looked worse. But I think it is probably safe to say that those predicting big things for the Rams this season were probably overly optimistic. Don’t be surprised if some Rams hit the trading block this week in fantasy leagues.

8 ) Buccaneers: The arrival of Garcia and a fairly easy schedule had people thinking this team could be a diamond in the rough. After Garcia and Cadillac both left the game with injuries this week, it appears they might just be the same lump of coal.

7) Dolphins: Let’s not mince words here. This team is not very good. And worse than that, they are boring. Very boring. They have games coming up against the Raiders and the Browns that figure to be some of the most unwatchable games in the history of the sport. Don’t forget the Dolphins and the Giants will be showcased in the London game on October 28th. Not likely to win a lot of fans across the pond with that one.

6) Giants: Sometimes exhibition games mean nothing. But after a rancid performance by the Giants defense in first regular season game, it is clear that the confused bunch of players we saw running around the field during the fake games was the sad reality that is the Giants. Now with half the team injured after only the first week, the Giants fans worst fears have been realized and surpassed by a good margin. The silver lining here is that Coughlin is almost assured of being run out of town, so maybe the team can stop bitching, and start playing.

5) Browns: I had a bizarre situation in one of my leagues for week one. I was playing against the commissioner of the league, and he did not submit a starting lineup. The Steelers had a similar situation.

4) Jets: Pennington was throwing at about a 90% completion rate when he left the field with an injury. The sight of Pennington hopping over to the sidelines, and Clemens strapping on a helmet brought about rabid cheering from the fans. Judging from what I saw from the Jets “pass rush” and “secondary” that was about as excited as Jets fans will probably get this season…….well, until Pennington’s next injury.

3) Falcons: The good news? Harrington only threw two interceptions. The bad news? They were both run back for touchdowns. Well the offense looks like a carnival, and the defense smells my fear. And the defenders run back my passes so far, I think man what am I doing here….lalala la tee dah….la la dee dum.

2) Chiefs: Well, my preseason Misery Index looked to be about right on the money at the elite positions. The Chiefs managed to stay right were they were ranked a week ago, however nearly edged out the Raiders for the top spot. But my mantra is the champ is the champ at least until they win. Yes, make no mistake, this team really does stink. The good news is that they will play the Raiders twice, so if they can get swept in those games there is a good chance we could have a new Misery Index champion in the making. If Carl and Herm had any decency they would walk hand in hand to the top rim of Arrowhead stadium, exchange a kiss and jump.

1) Raiders: The legend lives on. Yes, the team that still plays in a stadium that reeks of the 1960’s, continues to display their commitment to excrement. The NFL cleverly scheduled the two worst teams from a season ago against each other for game one, thus giving one of the downtrodden franchises a chance to start the season with a reason to live. And the Raiders couldn’t get it done in their own house. The defense was supposed to be the strength of this team, yet they were torched by a franchise that hasn’t won a West Coast game since the Nixon administration. Let me tell you how bad things are for this team. I am a long time Chiefs fan. And even I feel sorry for these poor bastards.

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