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FANTASY FOOTBALL WEEKLY FEATURES

Commentary From the Edge - Week 4
Kevin Ratterree
September 25, 2007

Are we are a bunch of idiots?  I mean, who do we think we are to be able to predict events in the NFL? Every year we think we know something, but apparently we don’t. Here are the top 10 PPR running backs: (before Monday Night game)

Westbrook
Jordan
Brown
Addai
Barber
Peterson
Ward
Tomlinson
Portis
Edge

I don’t know about you, but other than Addai that wasn’t the draft order in any of my leagues. So far the only people that didn’t get burned in the first round are owners of Westbrook and Addai.

Of course the wide receivers aren’t exactly performing in the order they were drafted either:

Moss
C Johnson
TJ Housh
R Williams
Burress
Boldin
S. Smith
Owens
Curtis
Edwards

This all means nothing. It’s only week 3 after all. But lots of owners are going to get itchy to move what they consider “bad” merchandise, and week 3 is an excellent time to hedge your bets for the season ahead. Lots of players values are lower than they should be. Injuries are already playing a huge role, so fantasy teams will be looking to fortify.

The fact is that at least half of the guys listed above will not likely finish near where they currently rank, and some are inflated “sell high players.” Which ones are they you ask? After what I have seen in the first three weeks, I can honestly say I have no idea.

I mean, I went out of my way to tell people not to draft Randy Moss. At this point I am going to render my fantasy advice null and void at least until Moss isn’t the highest ranked positional player in fantasy leagues. Wow. When I give bad advice, I really do dog pile it up nice. No charge.

But while I am on the subject of the amazing Randy and his renewed interest in the game that has made him wealthier than most of us can only dream of, I think I need to point something out.

Belichick (aka: The Cheater), is an evil genius bringing in Randall and all. He knew Randall would play it straight because The Cheater knew his team would be good, an as long as the team is good, and Randall can be a star, Randall is happy.

But all of this only proves the point that has been made about Randall so many times in my rambling diatribes. He is interested, therefore he puts forth effort. He is a fair weather teammate. And the weather is quite fair in Patriot land. I can’t tell you how thrilled I am that a guy like Moss has a chance to win a championship. Almost as thrilled as I was when the people with the big barking dogs and a procrastination policy for their solid waste removal moved in next door.

I mentioned it on the message boards on Monday, and it bears repeating. Brian Leonard is a guy you should be targeting this week if he is on your waiver wire. The team really stinks at this point, but Leonard should come close the disappointing production S. Jax was getting. He has the tools to surprise, and the Rams desperately need something. Leonard has some serious potential. Not necessarily with this lineup, but potential.

I picked up Ryan Grant in a few of my leagues last week. It still looks to me like Green Bay is nowhere near settled on a running back, and I think Grant might just get a shot at it in the weeks to come, especially if no one else can stay healthy.

Oops, I forgot. No fantasy advice. Right.

Monday Night Commentary

7:28 Bill Parcells tells the television audience that some weasel back stage told him he had to pick the Saints. So he picked the Saints. But he told the world how he felt about weasel television people. Gotta love that. Don’t worry Bill, we know you really picked the Titans. Steve Young and Stuart Scott picked the Saints as well so it was a nice 3-3 split among the ESPN analysts. Just the way the weasel wanted it.

7:30 Kornheiser in HD. There is definitely some downside with the hi-def.

7:33 After the player introductions Moulds runs up to hug Young, and I think I lip read him saying, “come on, just one or two for Old Man River now, hear?” Young nods.

7:36 Report from Suzy Kolber in HD. This is more like it. I want to kiss her. I take a sip of my drink. I am reminded of the brutality that awaits the first time Namath goes HD on me.

7:40 Okay, there’s Spike Lee in HD. Where’s the damn cheerleaders?

7:45 Moulds completion. Young 4/4 and carving them up on his MNF debut. Surprised? Hardly.

7:54 Saints open with a reverse. Nothing. Deuce up the middle. Scratch. Incomplete on third down. Looks familiar. 3 and out.

8:02 LenDale White up the middle for 2 yards. I am reminded of Ron Dayne.

8:04 Young continues to carve up the Saints.

8:05 Bironas field goal. Looks like the overs are going down.

8:14 Saints are tired of going 3 and out, so they go 4 and out inside their own territory. Can we get a blood sample from Sean Boy please?

8:19 Titans go for it on 4th and inches and make it. Touchdown Titans. This looks like it could get ugly. Peyton cringes on the sidelines.

8:30 Mcallister and Bush both in the backfield. Brees ignores McAllister open in the flat and forces a pass that is intercepted.

8:31 Young starts to feel sorry for Brees so he throws a sympathy interception deep in the Titans territory.

8:43 Deuce limps off to the locker room. That draft choice is not working out like I planned at all.

8:48 Devery Henderson caught a pass. I looked outside for the hordes of locusts.

8:50 Saints finally start moving the ball down the field into the two minute warning, I start to awaken from my coma.

9:05 Kerry Collins takes the field. This can’t be a good thing.

9:06 Whew! Young is only getting an IV.

Halftime Quick shower. Acknowledge the wife (footballus widowus) and back for more.

9:24 McAllister still in the locker room. Saints abandon the run. Brown paper bags are coming out from under the stadium seats.

9:38 Saints take the lead!! Paper bags go back under the seats.

9:54 Touchdown LenDale White! Not so much like Dayne after all……..

9:58 News crawl on bottom of screen reminds me that Mike Tyson pled guilty to cocaine possession. Why is it that the people with the least amount of brain cells to spare are the first ones in line to blow them out?

10:03 Brees intercepted again. The Titans are just living on the Saints side of the field. Why is the score only 17-14? Glad I didn’t bet the over.

10:10 Touchdown Titans. Saints season on life support and Vince Young is holding the plug.

10:19 Brees throws his 3rd interception. Saints flat line 10:19 24 Sept 07.

10:26 Titans miss easy field goal. Saints have a glimmer of hope. Brees starts firing the ball on the sideline in anticipation of his next interception. A teammate reminds him that his guys are wearing the black
.
10:31 Brees interception #4. Game Set Match. Brutal.

Crazy as Hell Pick of the Week

Yes it was brutal, but back in the losing column for the CAHPOW! Kaching! The record 1-2. That one was just too easy. You can’t ignore trends like that. At some point the Titans will get the respect they deserve from the betting public and the numbers guys, until then I’m onboard.

But alas, now that I am back on the right side of the ledger it is time to dig deeper. I have been ripping it, so it hardly matter which game I give you. I nailed the Monday night game and gave you 2-0-1 on games other than last weeks official pick. I’m currently ranked 8th in a local contest with over 1200 rednecks and hill people. I’m on a roll. Feeling good. Ya’ just love it when it is like this. Hitting 58% picking every game and total, and hitting a lot better than that on games I am playing. So let’s pick out another loser while I am going idiot savant.

Oh those wild and wacky Falcons. Lots of trouble in Atlanta, and this week they find themselves matched up against the upstart Texans. The Texans are a 3 point road favorite in this game. And just like last week there are some numbers that point you in the right direction. Well, numbers and the fact that the Falcons suck and the Texans don’t that is. The Falcons are 1-4-1 against the spread in their last 6. They are 0-5 straight up. 0-5 ATS at home. Brutal.

You want more? Okay, the teams from the AFC south are 5-0 outside their division.

On the other side of the ledger the Texans are 5-0 ATS. 4-1 SU and 4-2 ATS on the road.

You want more? AFC South teams are 5-0 outside of their division. Yeah, I know Johnson might not play. Yeah, I know it is dangerous to lay points on a road team. Yeah, I know the odds of an NFL team in this age of parity going 0-4 is not great.

But I don’t care. I’ve got Schaub v. Harrington, and this one is screaming play me! Atl +3

Misery Index

10) Bengals: I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to suspect that this defense is quite bad. I’m talking 6-10 bad. Other than the passing trio, there’s nothing going on here.

9) Bears: Lovie Smith’s unseemly man-love for Grossman is quite disturbing. I mean, it has gotten to the point that you just have to call Smith what he is. An enabler. He reminds me of a guy whose wife is cheating on him, and so he invites the guy to move in with them. Right about now, according to the hordes of chanting fans Sunday night, they would Lovie to see some Griese this week. But apparently, until Grossman gives back those incriminating photos of Lovie the Bears fans can brace themselves for more 0 TD / 3INT performances.

8) Chargers: Well, you can’t sugar coat it. It is what it is. They aren’t who we thought they were. A team that was at the brink of a championship game 9 months ago has been reduced to Misery Index contenders. And if that isn’t bad enough, Tomlinson has turned into Ron Dayne. I have been doing some math equations and here is what I came up with. Marty + Chargers = 14-2. Chargers - Marty + Norv Turner = 8-8. I think the GMs around the league can learn a lot from this nasty little situation. If your team goes 14-2, you take just as much crap as you can stand from the head coach. Try not to get in his way. Don’t park in his spot. Ask him if he need a new cushion for his chair. Keep your mouth shut and enjoy your prosperity. And if you can’t do that, at least hire a replacement coach that has actually done something successful as a head coach in the past. The NFL is such that the difference between contenders and laughingstocks is apparently Norv Turner and any fool that would hire him as a HC.

7) Rams: The good news just keeps coming for the Rams. Now Sjax is SJacked up, and they are heading to Dallas. Urgh.

6) Chiefs: A three point home victory over the dreadful Vikings. Grab onto this moment Chiefs fans. This probably as good as it is going to get. At least until the off season when we will see if the Junior Hunt is as patient and loyal as the elder was. One would think there will be casualties in a 2-14 season, starting with the GM and the head coach. But sadly, even that is probably wishful thinking in the middle of this stinking.

5) Raiders: Lane Kiffin thanked Shanahan in his post game press conference, after lifting the Rat’s last second kicker icing idea from him. The game giveth. And the game taketh away. And the Browns have taketh away the Raiders long run at the “top” of the Misery Index.

4) Browns: Well, you lost to the defending Misery Index champions and knocked them out of their perch. It was better that it happened this way though. You have to knock out the champ to take the title, and in the head to head match against one of the leagues worst, the Browns did what they had to do. Romeo Crennell and Charlie Weis have gone from genius protoge’s to dueling dumbasses.

3) Falcons: D.Hall wasted a good day of covering up Steve Smith, by committing stupid penalties at a crucial point of the game, and gave the Panthers the break they needed. Hall didn’t let Smith catch any passes, but he did let Smith crawl inside his head. Steve Smith won that game for the Panthers even though he was completely shut down. Last year Smith had a similar meltdown that cost his team a game late. It would seem Smith is getting smarter and Hall is getting dumber. The fans are just getting sleepy.

2) Bills: Losman took a beating. Evans glory was fleeting. The Trainers room is out of seating. And my dream of an 0-16 season is alive and breathing.

1) Saints: Wow. Can ya believe it. They made it all the way back down. Welcome back Saints. I have a feeling that in grocery stores across the New Orleans area this week, the answer to the question “paper or plastic” will definitely be paper.

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